Impossible heists? More like entirely possible heists...

Originally posted on 04/01/05...

There's a new show on Court TV called Impossible Heists on Sunday nights . More like, it's entirely possible. In the intro for this show, they say they've combed the country for 8 "experts" in their respective fields to help pull off heists based on real heists from the past. There are two teams of 4 who both compete to be the fastest team to pull of each heist without getting caught and leaving the least amount of forensic evidence. The best out of 5 heists gets the cash prize.

Now this sounded like a really cool premise to me. I love movies like Ocean's 11 and the Italian Heist in which a diverse group of specialists work together to pull of the impossible heist. In the meantime, they wear cool clothes and say cool things to each other that all adds to the coolness of the impossible heist.

Sadly, none of the people on this show are that cool. In fact, almost all of the people on this show have huge egos, which makes them unable to take directives from their team members which means they spend a lot of time bitching at each other during the heists.

The episode that I watched was based on a heist from the sixties in which a guy stole a rare jewel.

That heist seemed impossible. This heist was very possible.

At the beginning of the heist, 3 of the team members are stuck in 3 dumpsters and are wheeled into place by the fourth team member that stays behind. They're right next to the guard station. One team member that isn't in view of the security camera must get out and disable the camera. This is where the easy tasks go wrong.

For the blue team, the one lady that is out of shot of the camera gets out of the dumpster to disconnect the camera. She's told by another team member, "Don't walk straight across. Walk next to the wall out of camera range." She says "OK" and proceeds to tiptoe straight across from her position to the wall in full view of the camera! The red team fares no better, while the team member that gets out to disconnect the camera manages to avoid being on camera, she doesn't have a screwdriver to open the box! So she improvises to open the security box by using her finger nails. So you start with a really easy task and they both screw it up.

The "impossible" tasks continue.

They go to the adjacent guard station and install a security spy camera in which to spy on the guard. Thankfully, the guard has thoughtfully left a notebook on the shelf with a hole the exact size of the spy camera. Whew, that might have called for some ingeniuty on their part.

Next, they need to find some keys in which to turn off the floor alarms in the vault room. Again, thankfully the guard left the needed keys in his desk drawer. It's not as if a competent guard would keep the keys on him for safe keeping.

A four-digit code is also needed to turn off a 6000-volt grate blocking the team members from climbling up the air duct to the skylight over the vault room. So they look for something personal in the guard station. In a move that seems totally plausible (kidding), the code is on a poster for the 1986 New York Mets. The numbers are qouted on the poster like this "1986" with an arrow pointing to the number with the words "THE BEST YEAR EVER!!" next to it. Let's not make this obvious or anything!

They're in the air shaft and have to cut a large square through the air shaft into the other one. This takes an hour. An hour of grinding and cutting during with the "guard" walking around and never hears anything. Hearing tests must not be a requirement for becoming a guard.

While in the airshaft and almost to the top, a member of the red team remembers that she left the alligator clips that she used to disable the camera security box. Sure enough, the box is open with the clips and wires still hanging on it. She shuffles down the shaft, retrieves the clips and climbs back up the shaft just in time to avoid being seen by the guard that's just came back to the station, who is also blind since he cannot see her helmet light reflecting off of the air duct walls while she's waiting for him to to leave.

In the vault room, both teams used the team member with climbing and rope skills to hang upside down over the jewel case to drill a hole. Neither team bothered to actually practice showing the person how to use the drill on bullet proof glass so both teams ended cracking the glass over the case.

In the end, the blue team did manage to get the jewel even though they had a member caught on tape. The red team ran out of time and had to ditch the attempt, but of course forgot to leave an escape rope for the person hanging upside down. So that person was caught by the guard.

It's an okay series with a lot of challenging obstacles like repelling from ceilings and down buildings, but I think it might make a little more sense for the teams to not have things spelled out for them like it is for half of the obstacles.