You lost me at the 42 hour road trip...
by Bill the Evil Twin
Went and saw Elizabethtown last night (this was weeks ago obviously, but we haven't promised timely criticism). I was looking forward to it. I have seen almost all of Cameron Crowe's movies. Vanilla Sky kind of sucked, but this seemed like it would be a more of a back to basics type of movie. You know, one filled with a character you could identify with that's going through some personal accompanied by a deep musical soundtrack showcasing a knowledge of music most of us don't have. Sadly, only the latter happened.
Elizabethtown is the story of a guy named Drew (Orlando Bloom) who is a shoe designer who loses the company he works for over 976 million dollars. He is eventually fired and decides to kill himself. Right before he is about to kill himself, fate intervenes and... yep...somebody calls to stop him. It's his sister and their father has died. He has to go to Elizabethtown, Kentucky(where his father was born and lived until high school) to take care of the funeral arrangements. His sister has a baby so, naturally(?) can't go and his Mom can't go because no one likes her in that town. (Bob's note: Wow. Those are some really good excuses. I can't make it to Thanksgiving this year with a legitimate excuse and I feel like I'm getting the guilt trip for it. Only in Hollywood.)
Right at the very beginning, Orlando Bloom narrates the movie for a very long time setting up the story. First off, this is a problem because he cannot narrate a movie very well. As he is explaining how he got this great idea for a shoe, working several years to get it done, the fallout, I just found myself not believing him to be the every man I could identify with. I don't really think he comes across as likeable at all. At least in Jerry McGuire, Tom Cruise is likeable even though he is a nut job.
On the way to Elizabethtown, he takes a red eye flight where he meets Claire (Kirsten Dunst), a flight attendant. For reasons I will never know, she decides to talk to him. Because speaking from experience, women just don't find the depressed, suicidal, I-hate-myself persona all that attractive. You might think the opposite, but, no. They really don't. Claire talks to him for a long time while he tries to ignore her and get some sleep. (Bob's note: While she's supposed to be working?) When the flight lands, she gives him her number and directions on how to get to Elizabethtown. Naturally, he gets lost and eventually finds it to meet up with the people of Elizabethtown.
I really don't want to bore you with the other details. Let's just say it deals with him dealing with the townfolk about the funeral arrangements, his relationship with Claire and his relationship with his family.
In one segment of the movie, they talk on the phone all night and eventually meet to watch the sunrise. During that scene, the song, "Come Pick Me Up," by Ryan Adams is playing which is a song about him wanting to get in a relationship with a woman he knows is going to fuck up his mind, sleep with his friends and steal his records. Surely, this was the best song to choose for this part of the movie. (Bob's note: I'm detecting Bill's sarcasm here)
Supposedly, Claire has a boyfriend, who is gone a lot, and continues to hang out with Drew as a "friend." Not once giving him mixed signals. Wait, she does, which you would think would bother Drew, but no, not really. It doesn't.
The big "whatever" in this movie is when Claire makes him a map for him to take a road trip because he's never taken one, and he promised her he would. So in the span of maybe 12 hours, she makes a map that is pretty much a scrap book of maps, brochures and pictures of all the places he needs to go to on his way back to Oregon. Drew says it took him 42 hours for him to complete it. Did I mention that she put together 12 CDs of music timed to where and when he would be traveling and that it was narrated by Claire? So, along the way, you hear several songs you have never heard, but they sound good. Obscure songs by Elton John, Elvis, obscure blues, obscure 70's band, etc, etc, etc.
On this road trip, he is encouraged to take 30 minutes to have a bowl of chili, go to Graceland, see a round barn, take time to pump his fist in the air and dance, take 5 minutes to look at an article talking about his doomed shoe, see the motel where Martin Luther King was shot, etc, etc. Did I mention she included a picture or a brochure from each of the places she visited and had music to accompany it. At the very end of the road trip, he meets up with Claire at a farmers market and they live happily ever after. I guess.
Here are some problems with this movie. No girl is this cool and has this type of taste in music. Not unless she had a brain transplant with Cameron Crowe. So, this very cool girl ends up with the guy who had everything and then failed. I hate to break this to Cameron Crowe, but I don't root for the guy who has everything and then lost it. I root for the guy who has nothing and then gets the girl. In Almost Famous, I totally related to the 15-year-old kid (William Miller) because I was that kid. The kid that wanted to be cool and then realized he could never be cool because he can't. (Bob's note: What a second?! You were never cool? Since when?) I relish when someone who has everything fails, unless you can show me he was a great guy and didn't deserve to fail, but they never did.
Another problem: the music. We get it Cameron Crow!. You know a lot about music!
You really drove it home with the 42-hour road trip with all the songs we may have heard once or twice or never in our lifetime. Your character, Claire, lives in Kentucky and is a flight attendant. When does she have time to listen to music? In one scene you have her packing two CDs in her suitcase: Ryan Adam's "Love is Hell" and a Heart album. How convenient. This wouldn't have anything to do with the fact that your wife is Nancy Wilson from Heart. Probably a huge coincidence. So she packs CDs. CDs? Not an ipod? Again, she is a flight attendant and wants to pack light, so why would she just pack two CDs when she has this VAST collection of music. Which brings up an interesting point. Since she is a flight attendant, why would she road trip when she could fly where ever she wanted for free? Oh, that's right, she's a free spirit who just so happens to look like Kirsten Dunst.
In another scene at the "Celebration of Life for Drew's father", a band fronted by Drew's cousin reunites and plays a cover of Free Bird. It was at that point where I said to myself, "Now I really hated Lynard Skynard." (Bob's note: actually spelled Lynyrd Skynyrd)
The main problem: Orlando Bloom. I just didn't buy him from the start as the lead for this movie. I don't know who would have been better, but he is obviously better wearing long blond hair, shooting arrows and hanging out with hobbits.
Elizabethtown is the story of a guy named Drew (Orlando Bloom) who is a shoe designer who loses the company he works for over 976 million dollars. He is eventually fired and decides to kill himself. Right before he is about to kill himself, fate intervenes and... yep...somebody calls to stop him. It's his sister and their father has died. He has to go to Elizabethtown, Kentucky(where his father was born and lived until high school) to take care of the funeral arrangements. His sister has a baby so, naturally(?) can't go and his Mom can't go because no one likes her in that town. (Bob's note: Wow. Those are some really good excuses. I can't make it to Thanksgiving this year with a legitimate excuse and I feel like I'm getting the guilt trip for it. Only in Hollywood.)
Right at the very beginning, Orlando Bloom narrates the movie for a very long time setting up the story. First off, this is a problem because he cannot narrate a movie very well. As he is explaining how he got this great idea for a shoe, working several years to get it done, the fallout, I just found myself not believing him to be the every man I could identify with. I don't really think he comes across as likeable at all. At least in Jerry McGuire, Tom Cruise is likeable even though he is a nut job.
On the way to Elizabethtown, he takes a red eye flight where he meets Claire (Kirsten Dunst), a flight attendant. For reasons I will never know, she decides to talk to him. Because speaking from experience, women just don't find the depressed, suicidal, I-hate-myself persona all that attractive. You might think the opposite, but, no. They really don't. Claire talks to him for a long time while he tries to ignore her and get some sleep. (Bob's note: While she's supposed to be working?) When the flight lands, she gives him her number and directions on how to get to Elizabethtown. Naturally, he gets lost and eventually finds it to meet up with the people of Elizabethtown.
I really don't want to bore you with the other details. Let's just say it deals with him dealing with the townfolk about the funeral arrangements, his relationship with Claire and his relationship with his family.
In one segment of the movie, they talk on the phone all night and eventually meet to watch the sunrise. During that scene, the song, "Come Pick Me Up," by Ryan Adams is playing which is a song about him wanting to get in a relationship with a woman he knows is going to fuck up his mind, sleep with his friends and steal his records. Surely, this was the best song to choose for this part of the movie. (Bob's note: I'm detecting Bill's sarcasm here)
Supposedly, Claire has a boyfriend, who is gone a lot, and continues to hang out with Drew as a "friend." Not once giving him mixed signals. Wait, she does, which you would think would bother Drew, but no, not really. It doesn't.
The big "whatever" in this movie is when Claire makes him a map for him to take a road trip because he's never taken one, and he promised her he would. So in the span of maybe 12 hours, she makes a map that is pretty much a scrap book of maps, brochures and pictures of all the places he needs to go to on his way back to Oregon. Drew says it took him 42 hours for him to complete it. Did I mention that she put together 12 CDs of music timed to where and when he would be traveling and that it was narrated by Claire? So, along the way, you hear several songs you have never heard, but they sound good. Obscure songs by Elton John, Elvis, obscure blues, obscure 70's band, etc, etc, etc.
On this road trip, he is encouraged to take 30 minutes to have a bowl of chili, go to Graceland, see a round barn, take time to pump his fist in the air and dance, take 5 minutes to look at an article talking about his doomed shoe, see the motel where Martin Luther King was shot, etc, etc. Did I mention she included a picture or a brochure from each of the places she visited and had music to accompany it. At the very end of the road trip, he meets up with Claire at a farmers market and they live happily ever after. I guess.
Here are some problems with this movie. No girl is this cool and has this type of taste in music. Not unless she had a brain transplant with Cameron Crowe. So, this very cool girl ends up with the guy who had everything and then failed. I hate to break this to Cameron Crowe, but I don't root for the guy who has everything and then lost it. I root for the guy who has nothing and then gets the girl. In Almost Famous, I totally related to the 15-year-old kid (William Miller) because I was that kid. The kid that wanted to be cool and then realized he could never be cool because he can't. (Bob's note: What a second?! You were never cool? Since when?) I relish when someone who has everything fails, unless you can show me he was a great guy and didn't deserve to fail, but they never did.
Another problem: the music. We get it Cameron Crow!. You know a lot about music!
You really drove it home with the 42-hour road trip with all the songs we may have heard once or twice or never in our lifetime. Your character, Claire, lives in Kentucky and is a flight attendant. When does she have time to listen to music? In one scene you have her packing two CDs in her suitcase: Ryan Adam's "Love is Hell" and a Heart album. How convenient. This wouldn't have anything to do with the fact that your wife is Nancy Wilson from Heart. Probably a huge coincidence. So she packs CDs. CDs? Not an ipod? Again, she is a flight attendant and wants to pack light, so why would she just pack two CDs when she has this VAST collection of music. Which brings up an interesting point. Since she is a flight attendant, why would she road trip when she could fly where ever she wanted for free? Oh, that's right, she's a free spirit who just so happens to look like Kirsten Dunst.
In another scene at the "Celebration of Life for Drew's father", a band fronted by Drew's cousin reunites and plays a cover of Free Bird. It was at that point where I said to myself, "Now I really hated Lynard Skynard." (Bob's note: actually spelled Lynyrd Skynyrd)
The main problem: Orlando Bloom. I just didn't buy him from the start as the lead for this movie. I don't know who would have been better, but he is obviously better wearing long blond hair, shooting arrows and hanging out with hobbits.
posted by Bob At Large @ 7:01 AM
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