Amazon, I thought you knew me...

by Bill the Evil Twin

I have to admit it. I am kind of addicted to amazon.com. Patton Oswalt has a bit about how much time you can waste on the internet just by going by whatever thought comes across your mind. Amazon can kind of be that way since you can pretty much find anything on this site. One cool thing is that it tells you what you might like if you bought something recently. For example, if you bought something by Interpol, it will recommend you Bloc Party or Franz Ferdinand.

This can be somewhat reminiscent of a friend who lends you something you might like based on what you own. Friends who have a vast knowledge of music are good to have. Unfortunately, I know more about music than all of my friends combined, so Amazon has to suffice as my best friend, but like a friend Amazon is often not smart, is clueless and doesnÕt take a hint.

When I first starting buying stuff off of Amazon, I was recommended things that I did buy and enjoy and stuff that I didnÕt which is why you have to really look at the reviews closely. Like a friend, Amazon notices what you buy and then recommends things, unfortunately, it doesn't learn. Here are some examples.

My brother and I do this contest with friends of ours. Every year, like nerd saplings, we spring forth and try to guess what the blockbusters of the summer are going to be and rank them. At the end of the summer, the person who guessed correctly wins DVDs from each member in the pool. Unfortunately, I have not won anything in the years we have been playing. This might be a good thing since it may mean that I'm not a movie geek. At least I hope I'm not, but I have come close to winning it, so still could be a full fledged geek.

Anyway, one summer when I lost, the winner wanted "The Brood" on DVD. If you haven't seen "The Brood", well it's lovely film from David Cronenberg which I barely remember so here's what one Amazon review said about it:
"To synopsis the plot: Frank Carveth's estranged wife is crazy, and undergoing unconventional therapy at her psychiatrist's controversial institute. Suspecting her of abusing their daughter, he removes her from his wife's care, to the strenuous objections of her shrink. Several people connected to wifey's emotionally crippling past begin to show up dead, and Carveth finds himself fighting to save his daughter from her crazy mother's 'other' set of kids"

Well, I bought it and sent it to the "winner" of the movie pool. After that, my friend Amazon started suggesting other equally disturbing horror movies, which means EVERY disturbing horror movie ever made. This went on for months and finally, I figured out how to tell Amazon, "Look. Just because I bought "The Brood" doesn't mean that I want to own every sick horror movie ever made." All I had to do was go into "Improve your recommendations". Amazon keeps track of everything I buy and there is a little check mark that says, "Use for my recommendations." So, by me checking that box, it's like Amazon saying to me, "Sorry bro, my bad. Won't happen again." This is all fine and dandy, but it still won't learn.

I bought two books on building fences because I was building a fence. Well, for months, Amazon recommended me every fence book I didn't happen to buy. How many fence books do you think I need? I had to check the box again.

Now for horror movies or fence building, this checking the box thing is very good, but for music it's a whole new ball game. Amazon knows to recommend popular things, but I wish Amazon would recommend lesser known artists.

When you first start buying things off of Amazon, it doesn't know a damn thing about you, but it does a pretty good job, but if you're like me and own a lot of CDs and try to help Amazon out by constantly updating your recommendations, you really start to mess things up.

For example, Amazon will bring up a list of 15 things per page that you might like. At the bottom of each thing, it says, "Why recommended? Because you bought (such and such)." This is all fine and good, but like The Brood, just because I bought that one thing does not mean I want to buy EVERYTHING that sounds like that artists.

One time, I bought the Nirvana box set. So, Amazon started recommending other bands that I might enjoy, like Alice in Chains. Alice in Chains - "Dirt" is listed. Now I could tell Amazon that I do own it and yes I do like it, but I don't really want to rate it, so I "lie" and click "Not Interested". The page updates and Amazon reveals:
Alice in Chains - "Alice in Chains"
Not Interested
Alice in Chains - "Jar of Flies"
Not Interested
Alice in Chains - "Face Lift"

This happens all the time. My favorite though is when it recommends something based on one band of a certain genre I might like. Namely Third Eye Blind. I like them. I think they are a good band for pop. It could be a guilty pleasure, but they are a good band in my opinion and I don't try to force it on to anybody.

So Amazon goes, "Hmm...Third Eye Blind huh? How about Vertical Horizon? Do you like the album that has the one hit wonder, 'Everything She Wants'?"

"Sorry, I am Non Interested"

Page updates

"Well, how about their follow album that yielded no hits and no one bought? How about that?"

"Look, if I didn't want the popular album. Why would I want the other one?"

"Sorry man. How about Three Doors Down? They kind of sound like Third Eye Blind, right?"

Amazon is an annoying little friend and I wish it would "learn" from my personal choices, but I sometimes feel that the day that happens, I will be trying to please the computer instead of the other way around.