I check my spam email...

I still have a yahoo email account that I use for ordering stuff online. Mostly, I use my gmail account because I've had nothing but bad luck with my yahoo account. I don't know what happened, but for a long time it was the only account that I had that didn't have spam (I had several accounts because I was a QA tester for an Internet startup company that has long since laid me off).

Then seemingly overnight, I was deluded by spam email. It was getting ridiculous so when I had the chance to use other email addresses, like through my ISP, I did with better results. Still, I always like to glance at the subject lines of the email addresses. You just have to know that a lot of them are sent by people with limited English capacity. That why funny... (joke on broken English)

For example:

Sender: QuickEbayGift
Subject: Bob EasyClaimYourEbayGiftCard consenting

Now the jumbled letters together don't bother me because I can see where this person was going. You could easily interpret it as "It's easy to claim your Ebay gift card." I'm not sure where the consenting comes in. Are they saying that they are consenting that I get an easy claim ebay gift card? The fact that Ebay only sells gift certificates and not gift card is besides the point. Who's consenting?


Sender: GiftCard depot
Subject: Re:Your $100.00 Malmart gift Bob flashing

Can you spot the several errors here? First of all, the Re: implies that I inquired about my Malmart gift, but we get to the second error, why would I call Wal-mart, Mallmart? You got to love the fact that they misspelled the name of the largest retailer in the United States. That would be like misspelling a Disney email as "Win a Dizney vacation free". The most confusing part? What's flashing that it needs the attention of the subject line??

Sender: QuickE-Insurance
Subject: Bob you are qualify for no physical exam candle

A no physical exam candle? Even if this was written grammatically correct, it would still read, "Bob, you have qualified for a no-physical exam candle." I'm not trying to be funny here. What in the hell does a physical have to do with a candle? It's not like you go into Yankee Candle and they say, "All right, that'll be $50. Please step aside for your physical." Clicking on it, it's spam for what appears to be life insurance, but while there is a mention of no physical exam, there is no mention of a candle. I'm just trying to guess what word the person was searching for. Candle... hmm... Handle? Candy?

Sender: Jack
Subject: Order Confirmation

Order Confirmation from a guy I've never heard of? That's a click through if I've ever seen it.

Sender: Alfredo Cooper
Subject: Meet for Assured Sex?

Would I ever meet for assured sex? If I was single? Sure. From Alfredo Cooper? Probably not.

Sender: RewardDepartment
Subject: , Get a Prime Mutual Prepaid Mastercard today

Being a former English teacher, I love the subject lines that start with a comma. A comma indicates that the speaker must pause. Who starts a sentence with a pause? It would go like, "Hey, Jack. How are you today?" Jack: ", fine. , and how are you?"

Sender: Clyde Peterson
Subject: Supply significant spicery to your aliveness?

Do I want to add spice to my state of being alive? Umm... Sure. The inside is priceless. At the bottom is the disclaimer.

The subject matter was transported to you because you inquired for to be imparted of knowledge of extends from either us or one of us cooperators, if your-person do not need to acquire extends from us once again do not hesitate reach us at this point.

"At this point" is hyperlinked. Curiously enough, none of the images show up and if you try to go to the website, which is http://girlie.thisisamust.com. Nothing comes up. I just got this email today! They are so inept that they can't even withstand the initial waiting period of spamming?